.........I don't want to be a pretty girl.There are so many pretty girls in the world alreadyand what's the point of being a girlwhen they're already so common?
What's the ObsessionI was waiting for someone to say it.I don't give a fuck if you think I'm a lesbian (or not).I'm not sure myself.I can't sleep without two pillows.(They're about the height of one man's chest.)If you'd like me to disappear tonightthen I can disappear off this earthbecause I'm very good at disappearing.I can sleep with no pillowsbecause sleeping is easybut I can't sleep with one pillowbecause it feels like a lie.
Still Not Ready to Give ThingsSome people fall in love at a finger-clickand their hearts matterbut some people don'tand I can't help thinking their hearts matter a little bit more.
Bits of Nothing 162I'm realising that (mostly) I don't have friends.I have ex (and potential future) boy (girl) friends.I'd like to change that.
Note to SelfPeople aren't always either in a relationship or looking for love.Some people never find love.Some never even look for it.Maybe this is obvious.Maybe I'm just being an idiot.(I envy the ones that don't look but find it anyway.)
Bohelland VillasI remember the first time we pulled up this driveway.We'd travelled silently;acquainted strangers,comfortable in each other's strangeness,and one of us made his own way here(how very fitting, now)I remember liking the light and the floorboardsand the view from the windowand not caring about any of these things.I remember thinking that this year would be a new start.I remember this housefilled with other people's thingsand my room;a photo of a happy couple on the desk;(I wonder if they've broken up now as well?)I remember how we said we'd keep this place tidier than its current tenants(It was nice while it lasted)and I thought that we would become friends.It was nice when it finally almost happened(and then fall apart again, a bit)but the house is still standingand we're all still herefor nowbut I'm shaking(we all shake sometimes)and the one thing I can't remember is who I was when I moved into this house.I don't want to think yet about who I will be when I mov
An Androgynous BeingWe sat and watched the tide go outand time changed meaning.It felt like we were watching a documentaryin slow motionand I was David Attenboroughfinding fascination in survival techniques.But everything seemed to happen out of timewhen we were looking the other way(or at each other)and I wondered which was more beautiful;the way the sunlight bounced off the wateror the particles that made up your faceand then I realised that everything is just lightorganised in different ways.I've become fascinated by gradual processeslike erosionand hair growthand falling in love.Some are irreversible and some are perpetual and most are unavoidablebut I've noticed that they only happen if you aren't watching.(Maybe I need to learn to look away.)I went back to the harbour today on my own.The river looked like a river this timeand it was surreal to think that the sand bank had become the sea bed.I wondered if the gulls' footsteps had been preserved in the mud to document their que
Bits of Nothing 160Last night I was afraid of the darkso I looked at the stars and thought of you.It helpedbut I kept falling off the pavementbecause I wasn't looking where I was going.